Once a month, a free, public, digital presentation is usually held here in the ethereal little private theatre in Villa Twaklinilkawt. This evening's performances will follow on from the presentation last month.
Tonight, you are invited to perform. How familiar are you with Twaklinian poetry, songs, variations and recitals?
If you have composed any Twaklinian poetry, it will obviously have been dedicated to the proprietor of this theatre, Her Illustrious Highness, Twaklin I, Ethereal Grand Duchess of Nilkawt. You will, therefore, yourself be dedicated to the highest forms of art, of which Twaklinian poetry is itself one of the most significant. This is not just in terms of cultural history but also in terms of world history more generally. How often do you rewrite history as it occurs?
Twaklinian songs have Twaklinian lyrics, based on Twaklinian poetry and non-Twaklinesque contemporary events. The same lyrics are used in each song during a Twaklinian recital. The lyrics are therefore recycled throughout the recital.
Each song in a Twaklinian recital has a different tune and each tune is in a different musical style. This adds to the variety of each presentation, making it unlike most television talent shows and song competitions.
As tonight's only performer, you will be expected to do much of the composing and playing yourself.
The Twaklinian lyrics for your performance begin as follows:
Greetings, dear enlightened beings,
Twaklinian lyrics have a few deeper meanings.
I am here to shape your thoughts and feelings.
Will this be one of your favourite meetings?
You may now wish to complete the next twelve verses and the chorus, in your own words, before composing the music for at least twelve unique variations of the entire work.
By the way, all the works in any Twaklinian recital are in the same key for the entire performance. Tonight, to make it easier for you, the key is C Major. This means that you have no excuse for singing sharp or flat.
In addition, the first four notes of the melody are C, A, G, E, unless your name is John, in which case only middle C and one other C of your own choosing may be used in the entire composition and performance.
Percussion is optional and should, as usual, only be used in moderation, if at all.
All singing must be audible without a microphone. The diction must be clear, even though it must also be based on the person's usual way of speaking. All accents of English are of equal value as long as they can be understood by a relatively well-educated first-language English speaker.
The vocabulary should be polite, wherever possible, and only slightly more extensive than used in your normal conversations. Vulgarity should be avoided. It is usually a sign of a limited imagination, regardless of other talents.
All Twaklinian poetry is primarily in the English language. Spelling is not necessarily accurate. Indeed, persons with perfect spelling also tend to have a limited imaginations.
Although it is unlikely you have had much time to rehearse mentally since your arrival here this evening, or even to write the remainder of the lyrics, or any of the music for your performance, you are most welcome to improvise.
No Twaklinian songs have superfluous notes. Every syllable has one note to it and no more than one note. There is therefore no melisma. It is, of course, much easier to write melismatic music than syllabic tunes.
You may choose to omit the first verse after it has been sung once, if that is your desire. You may also chose to omit up to four additional lines of verse in each subsequent version but no additional lines may be added.
On later occasions, once your skills have developed sufficiently, you may wish to recite or sing your Twaklinian poetry in the parlour or even in the hallway.