Welcome, dear member of the global public, to this evening's public presentation of auditions.
You may be prepared to perform before this capacity audience yourself at an unexpected moment in tonight's proceedings. Alternatively, you may be terrified by that prospect.
If you are invited onto the stage this evening, the compère is likely to ask you quite a few initial questions.
Are you prepared to be invited or commanded onto the stage at a moment's notice?
Can you play a musical instrument sufficiently well in accordance with any sort of compositional requirement?
Would you be able to play a never-before-seen-or-heard composition of considerable merit?
Would you be able to participate in an highly accomplished improvisation?
Do you know how to supply stage presence?
Do you have the ability to blend into a choir or orchestra, or both, without drawing inappropriate attention to yourself?
Can you properly bel canto or are you more likely to belt?
Have you received any acting lessons, formally or informally?
Are you able to remember all the lines of soliloquies sufficiently?
How much time have you spent learning how to overcome stage fright on the world stage?