Tuesday, 27 September 2016

An Evening of Auditions

Welcome, dear member of the global public, to this evening's public presentation of auditions.

You may be prepared to perform before this capacity audience yourself at an unexpected moment in tonight's proceedings.  Alternatively, you may be terrified by that prospect.

Are you prepared to be invited or commanded onto the stage at a moment's notice?

Can you play a musical instrument sufficiently well in accordance with any sort of compositional requirement?

Would you be able to play a never-before-seen-or-heard composition of considerable merit?

Would you be able to participate in an highly accomplished improvisation?

Do you know how to supply stage presence?

Do you have the ability to blend into a choir or orchestra, or both, without drawing inappropriate attention to yourself?

Do you have the ability to blend into an audience without drawing inappropriate attention to yourself?

Can you properly bel canto or are you more likely to belt?

How will you know what is appropriate or inappropriate here without anyone telling you?

On most nights of the week in this ethereal theatre, in any week of the year, audience members pay a great deal of money for the privilege of being here.  They obviously have high expectations.

Tonight, however, as this is a free performance opportunity, no-one has much right to expect anything much, except for the expectation that everyone will act appropriately.

Have you received any acting lessons, formally or informally?

Are you able to remember all the lines of soliloquies sufficiently?

You may already have spent at least a small part of the day here on the official public tour of Villa Twaklinilkawt.

If you are invited onto the stage this evening, the compère is likely to ask you quite a few initial questions.

For example:

How likely or unlikely will it be for you to be willing to participate in any upcoming public occasions?

How well did you perform here in earlier auditions?

How well do you intend to perform in later auditions?

How often have you been a compère, and how well have you performed in that capacity?

How well do you usually perform as an audience member?

How much time have you spent learning how to overcome stage fright on the world stage?