Tuesday, 27 September 2016

An Evening of Auditions

Welcome, dear member of the global public, to this evening's public presentation of auditions.

You may be prepared to perform before this capacity audience yourself at an unexpected moment in tonight's proceedings.  Alternatively, you may be terrified by that prospect.

Are you prepared to be invited or commanded onto the stage at a moment's notice?

Can you play a musical instrument sufficiently well in accordance with any sort of compositional requirement?

Would you be able to play a never-before-seen-or-heard composition of considerable merit?

Would you be able to participate in an highly accomplished improvisation?

Do you know how to supply stage presence?

Do you have the ability to blend into a choir or orchestra, or both, without drawing inappropriate attention to yourself?

Do you have the ability to blend into an audience without drawing inappropriate attention to yourself?

Can you properly bel canto or are you more likely to belt?

How will you know what is appropriate or inappropriate here without anyone telling you?

On most nights of the week in this ethereal theatre, in any week of the year, audience members pay a great deal of money for the privilege of being here.  They obviously have high expectations.

Tonight, however, as this is a free performance opportunity, no-one has much right to expect anything much, except for the expectation that everyone will act appropriately.

Have you received any acting lessons, formally or informally?

Are you able to remember all the lines of soliloquies sufficiently?

You may already have spent at least a small part of the day here on the official public tour of Villa Twaklinilkawt.

If you are invited onto the stage this evening, the compère is likely to ask you quite a few initial questions.

For example:

How will you know whether you will be likely to be willing to participate in any upcoming public occasions?

Have you performed here in any of the earlier auditions?

Have you ever wondered what to do at the door of the music room?

Have you ever received an invitation to meet our most senior ethereal tour guide?

Have you ever been in the ethereal coaching coach house and climate stability stables?

Have you ever gone around the poetic Twaklinian potting shed?

Have you ever taken a journey through Twaklinesque long galleries A and/or B?

Have you ever experienced true sprezzatura performances in the little private theatre?

Have you ever had access to beautiful views?

Have you ever read the official history of Villa Twaklinilkawt?

Have you ever contributed to citizen-journalism in the Adelaidezone news observatory?

Have you ever been to an exhibition on the art of reciprocity?

Have you ever been a compère?

Have you ever helped with maintenance arrangements?

Have you ever spent time looking for the official sign of hope?

Have you ever spent time relaxing in a really green green room?

Have you ever spent time enjoying a few days and nights in a creativity cabin?

Have you ever spent time learning how to overcome stage fright on the world stage?