Saturday, 27 May 2017

The Ethereal World Peace Award Ceremony

Enlightened ladies, enlightened gentlemen and other enlightened persons,

As it is now 3 o'clock in the afternoon in the Adelaidezone, and therefore time for tea here in Villa Twaklinilkawt, you are invited to attend the Ethereal World Peace Award Ceremony in this ethereal theatre.  It begins in 42 seconds time.

Please leave now if you do not wish to participate.  That is especially likely to be the case if you are not an enlightened person and you have no intention of becoming one.

Enlightened persons?

If you are an unenlightened person with an interest in peace, please stay.  You may become at least partially enlightened by doing so.

If you leave, you will be expected to find refreshments elsewhere.

Enlightened persons?

My name is Adagia Newsworthy.  I am one of the Adelaidean acolytes of the Twaklinestial temple in the grounds of Villa Twaklinilkawt.   You may have observed one or more of the Teapottian ceremonies there, or not as the case may be.


For this afternoon and evening, I shall be hosting this award ceremony with the assistance of several distinguished guest presenters and possibly even a few distinguished guest performers, if any of either can be located.

The proceedings are about to begin with tea, of course, followed by the Twaklinesque Literature for Peace Awards.  Only the winners of those awards will be offered additional refreshments in the foyer.

Who, then, will win the sandwiches?  Who will win the scones?  Who will win the cake?


Towards the evening, the Twaklinesque Relaxing Music Awards will occur.  Before that happens, an intermission will take place.

Please partake of refreshments during the intermission at your own expense if you are not expecting to win a prize.  It could be a very long and hungry evening for you do otherwise.

Prize winners will be offered bread and soup.

Ethereal theatre?

Towards midnight, the Ethereal World Peace Award itself will be presented.

No-one even knows yet who the nominees have been.  Could you be one of them?

I was only contacted this morning to host this occasion.  The script had fortunately already been written.  I only had one quick audition, under the front portico of Villa Twaklinilkawt, whilst I was on my way to the parlour for tea.

Villa Twaklinilkawt portico?

As far as I am aware, there are no distinguished presenters available yet.  If none turn up, could you do the honours of presenting at least one of the awards?

If you win one of the literary awards, a few quotes of your own will have been placed in the respective envelope.  You could be expected to read them out though please do not feel too worried about that.  You can always ask another audience member or two to perform on your behalf, or you could present an award in disguise.

Today's audience?

I now wish to thank everyone who has helped to promote my career as a host of award ceremonies, including my mother, my aunt, my grandmother and my first teacher, Mrs Marketing, and especially my sister Advatisa for all the free publicity she had given me in her public relations work and gossip columns.  I would also like to thank my agent, but so far I have been unable to find a suitable agent.  Maybe you are such a person.


I also want to thank Empress Aria and the rest of the ethereal theatre management team for helping me to find my way here through the stage door.  I also want to thank the attendants in the green room for providing me with a few helpful hints and chocolate biscuits in the ethereal gatehouse beforehand.


I additionally and most humbly wish to thank Her Illustrious Highness, Twaklin I, the Ethereal Grand Duchess of Nilkawt, for providing me with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity in her Adelaidean theatre.  Her Illustrious Highness has even invited me to attend future Adelaidezone occasions of her serene salon for world peace.

Who in the audience has received a similar invitation?


I am delighted to inform you that waiting in the wings now is Nannerl Mozart, to whom I am, I think, expected to hand an envelope marked:

"The Winner of the First Award is..."

The first award of the afternoon is for peacefully Twaklinesque blogging.

Well organised?

There were no nominees for the award as that is not the way this particular award works.  The criteria for the award are very strict.

The first requirement is that the blog must be a free one, with no domain name registered particularly for it.

Secondly, the blog must contain no paid promotions or any other forms of advertising.

Thirdly, the blog must have no restrictions on access.

The fourth requirement is that the blog upholds the Twaklinesque principles of peacefulness.  Those principles relate to the language used, the topics covered, and the moderation of comments.

The final requirement is that the blog is presented primarily if not entirely in the English language.

I shall now invite Nannerl onto the stage to present the first award:

The winner of 

the peacefully Twaklinesque

blogging award is...

Privacy has chosen to collect the award in persona rather than in person.   To maintain anonymity sufficiently, the persona of privacy is presented here as a person in a prosopopoeian disguise, namely the pseudonymous spoon.

The spoon has the ambition of one day becoming a more rounded character, possibly even a private sphere.  Meanwhile he/she/it will continue anonymously blogging about the political and financial necessity of the pseudonymisation of data.  

Private or public?

Peacefully Twaklinesque blogging prevents the apotheosis of mere mortals, except satirically.  It carefully and playfully dismantles personality cults so as not to make too much mess of societies and environments in the process.

In dishing out the deliciously creamy truth of public life, Privacy is well aware that becoming a celebrity poses many dangers.  Indeed, award ceremonies have long been known to have a negative effect on the lives of winners.

Deliciously creamy truth?

By giving unwarranted, and often unwanted, celebrity status, award ceremonies tend to be:

a) Marketing strategies to boost sales and promote prestige

b) Likely to incite unhinged celebrity worship

c) Turning public recognition through the mass media into a subsequent prison for the 'winners'

d) Transforming private citizens into brands, thereby taking away their freedom

e) Eroding everyone's right to privacy

Now, please show your appreciation of Privacy.

Thank you Nannerl and Privacy, and Adagia.  My name is Empress Aria and it is my duty to inform you that you are no longer eligible to remain here for the rest of this award ceremony. Please vacate the seating in an orderly manner.