Do you have the credentials, credibility, integrity, personality and talents with which to do so?
Please note that the Twaklinesque has nothing in common with the burlesque. Even so, in the interests of philanthropy and magnanimity, prior reputation is never taken into consideration in an enlightened, digital, open, sprezzatura auditioning processes.
Seemingly untalented persons, and anyone with an earlier reputation for vulgarity, will receive at least three seconds of attention here. Any more than three seconds will require an individual to appear to have the ability to present themselves appropriately in both public and private.
An introduction to the auditioning procedures
The critics all expect you to perform at your best. What do you expect of yourself? Are you your own best or worst critic?
What have been your prior experiences of auditions and how well prepared are you for this one?
You will be expected to have read and understood:
a) All the preliminary guidance on expectations
b) All the preliminary guidance on environments
c) All the preliminary guidance on audiences
d) All the preliminary guidance on ethics and aesthetics
e) All the preliminary guidance on the questions likely to be asked of you during the auditioning process
f) All the preliminary guidance on career options
g) All the preliminary guidance on later auditions
h) All the preliminary guidance on public relations and media relations
A. Preliminary guidance on expectations
As the panel of critics will probably remind you, it can be very frustrating indeed for audiences when performers do not meet expectations. This is particularly the case when those performers have promised to meet particular requirements, even in writing. Are you familiar with contract law at all?
You may wish to note that none of the highly talented talent spotters associated with Villa Twaklinilkawt spend more than one hour a year watching television broadcasts. They only reluctantly hear a radio broadcast. Usually, they experience that sort of ordeal whilst attempting to do their shopping or when expecting a quiet meal out somewhere. No-one desires indigestion.
Talent is very difficult to spot through a broadcast, mostly because broadcasts are relatively exclusive. During the early, inclusive auditions for private performances in this theatre, therefore, please ensure you have all the necessary abilities with which to perform well through a smartphone or another sort of audio-visual device.
Do not edit recordings of your performances if they are to be used for auditioning purposes. Never distort your talents or lack of them. If you try to mislead the talent spotters, you will quickly be found out and will therefore be banished from future auditions.
If you require the assistance of an ensemble to highlight your talents sufficiently, or to ensure you blend in appropriately with the equally worthy talents of those individuals, please audition as an ensemble and not as an individual. Harmonious teamwork is always required in a Twaklinesque setting.
Additionally, do make sure that all the material you use is either in the public domain or you fully own the copyrights of all the intellectual property you have uploaded.
For auditioning purposes, do not upload any of the aforementioned audio-visual performances to YouTube unless you are perfectly willing to allow anyone anywhere to embed an item in their own digital theatres. Permission will not be sought by the talent spotters as the right will have been implied by your YouTube privacy settings.
In later auditions, whether you intend to perform as a singer, an instrumentalist, an acting professional, a director, a ticket collector, a scenery painter, a dancer, a politician, a costumier, a tour manager, a talent manager, a press agent, booking agent, an opera composer, a playwright, a song writer, a librettist, a novelist, a critic, a brand ambassador or as an ordinary audience member, you will be expected to perform without a microphone, and very well indeed, in front of a live, indoor audience of up to three thousand well informed, well dressed people.
B. Preliminary guidance on environments
You may occasionally be expected to perform with a microphone in front of audiences with a wide range of tastes, beliefs, opinions, skills, talents and attitudes. On at least one such occasion, you and/or your talents will be expected to perform in front of a live audience of up to three hundred thousand people, outdoors in unpleasant weather. Always remember to dress suitably on every occasion.
During any indoor or outdoor performance, for any size of live audience, please be prepared to perform simultaneously in a live broadcast to a televisual audience of up to two billion people. Also expect the occasion to be viewed multiple times from various angles in the digital sphere.
During the subsequent global touring schedule, the entire, multi-talented entourage will be expected to participate in a wide range of promotional activities in a wide range of expected and unexpected circumstances.
Have you compiled a Twaklin anthology of your prior training, writings and performances?
C. Preliminary guidance on audiences
Do you wish to audition here mainly for inclusive audiences or exclusive audiences?
Both the inclusive and the exclusive have their merits and their drawbacks. You will be expected to recount your prior experiences of those situations.
What have been your prior experiences of Twaklinian poetry, songs, variations and recitals, and for what sorts of audiences?
D. Preliminary guidance on ethics and aesthetics
All that is necessary is to read quietly and carefully, take in the information, and ask questions of the right person in the right manner at the right moment.
E. Preliminary guidance on the questions likely to be asked of you during the auditioning process
What do you already know about Twaklinesque auditioning processes?
F. Preliminary guidance on career options
You will be expected to speak, sing, write and think in the English language at a relatively high international and intergenerational standard of courtesy and comprehension, even when using idiomatic phrases. The ability to entertain the public in one or more other languages will also be an advantage in any career, even when performing mainly as an instrumentalist, conductor, dancer or costume designer.
Early auditions will usually take place online, with or without your knowledge. In the interests of fairness, you will have the opportunity to compare your ethereal auditioning experiences with those of other performers. The critics working within Villa Twaklinilkawt do their best to improve everyone's career possibilities and quality of life.
G. Preliminary guidance on later auditions
Anyone completing the preliminary auditions, and following the relevant, preliminary guidance, may have the opportunity to advance through the auditioning process to its Adelaidean phase.
Will you be able to pay your own way?
h. Preliminary guidance on public relations and media relations
When associated with any Twaklinesque project, you will be expected to be accomplished in public relations and media relations. Only tasteful publicity will be expected of you. Please ensure you know how to maintain suitable boundaries between your public image and your private life.
Never talk about the private life of anyone except for suitably artistic or educational purposes.
Never intrude upon anyone's private life or seek inappropriate relationships with anyone.
Never use coarse language.
Always avoid unbecoming habits.
Allow your talents to speak for themselves.
Unless you have the ability to resolve problems peacefully, always avoid controversy.
Never use marketing jargon.
Always present yourself in public with an elegant, timeless quality, except when expected to perform comedy.
Always maintain a clear distinction between yourself as a performer, yourself as a person and the characters you have played and may be expected to play.
Do not behave like Mozart, unless you can match him as a composer.