Ladies and Gentlemen

Do I have your attention?

The auditorium within this ethereal little theatre serves many purposes.  For much of the time, the auditorium is primarily used as a learning space.

Where do you usually learn how to be an enlightened audience member?

Do you believe audience members should usually arrive in an auditorium with no preconceived ideas or expectations of the performance ahead?

Should ticket holders have any expectations of their fellow audience members?

What do you usually prefer to hear, see, feel and possibly even smell most whilst sitting in an auditorium?

Do you usually want to taste something in an auditorium?

Do you often think your fellow audience members have good taste?

Do you sometimes find your fellow audience members annoying?

Most people enter an auditorium expecting to hear something and possibly even to see something.  What that something may be is a matter of personal preference.

The Adelaideans are one of the world's most fickle audiences.  Adelaide is a remote city.  It is surrounded by vast expanses of amazing desert, surprising scrub, desolate pastures, excessively steep hillsides and vast plains of cereals.  That hinterland contains only a few potential audience members for any Adelaidean auditorium or alternative artistic venue.

Adelaide's sporting venues are sometimes considered to be artistic venues.  Adelaide's artistic venues may even occasionally be considered to be sporting venues.  Competing for audiences is a well-known pastime in Adelaide.  The winners tend to receive vast quantities of public money.

This ethereal theatre receives no public money directly.  It is a purely private digital theatre, even though it occasionally offers free public performances.

The first impression of the entrance to the main entrance tunnel between the affordable foyer and the auditorium of this ethereal theatre often appears to be desert-like and deserted.  It is entered through a dark curtain.  The ground appears to be mainly rock and sand and saltbush.  Please watch your step, especially as the experience is likely to resemble the sun going down.

Soon it is completely dark except for the stars above.  There are seemingly huge blacklight alcoves  contain bug zappers for insects and software.  Those alcoves also contain robotic, florescent, drone vacuum cleaners both on the ground and in the air.  Their job is to suck all sorts of detritus out of the space.

The auditorium of this theatre is highly hygienic.  The ethereal proprietor would never wish to contribute to an epidemic or any other sort of unpleasantness.  This why there is a significant wind tunnel effect from the auditorium end of the tunnel, back towards the affordable foyer.

Further along the main entrance tunnels, towards the auditorium, are the opaquely opalesque alcoves in which iridescent black light theatrical performances occur with the assistance of dramatic holograms and light, enlightening Mozartian magic.  Whenever the auditorium is expected to be at full capacity, the opacity and iridescence of the opalesque alcoves alternates at fifteen second intervals with opalescence.

After the effects within the first set of alcoves, please note that nothing in the second set is live.  There are four alcoves initially, two on either side of the tunnel.  They form the first set.  The opalesque alcoves are a set of eight, set out in similar fashion.  But are they real or an optical illusion?  Are they part of a digital trompe-l'œil or merely a figment of your imagination?

How often do optical phenomena play tricks on you?  How well do you understand optics and theatrics?  How accurately do you perceive light and through which sources?  And how accurately do you perceive enlightenment?

What are you currently perceiving visually?  Do you use visual aids at all?  Do you have a visual impairment?  Are you aware of the prevalence of forced perspective, both visually and politically?

Further along the main entrance tunnel to the auditorium, many audience members, whether they are Adelaideans or not, are unsure whether they are witnessing actions within an alcove, a cove, a cave or an allegory.  Their working memories become overloaded.  They feel disorientated, confused, overly emotional, bewildered and exhausted.  They shuffle forward as the crowd behind, assisted by the ushers, pushes on.

The tunnel winds confusingly and becomes narrower and darker.  The wind tunnel effect picks up.  Many audience members begin to feel as if they are experiencing tunnel vision.  The passageway then widens and becomes quite straight.  There is a small, bright green light ahead.  Does it mean 'go'?  Is it an exit sign?

Everyone presses forward, as is usual with the audience effect.  There is no going back.  Could the light mean escape?

The management here has much experience in crowd control.  The box office staff, in particular, know a great many things about crowd psychology.  It is why they are particularly keen to attract a sprezzatura crowd.

A sprezzatura crowd does not usually consist of irrational escapists or illusory escapologists.  Sprezzatura audience members may understand their own fight, flight and freeze responses quite well, even without being blasted with cold air or hot air or the unamplified sound of a large flock of lorikeets, rosellas, corellas, cockatoos or budgerigars.

Sprezzatura audience members may use a natural escape reaction or a conditioned one though they are more likely to assess situations with greater awareness than most people.  They are not easily swayed by crowd manipulation.  They have the ability to avoid various forms of psychological trickery

The green light is revealed to be a white light shining through a green curtain.  The curtain opens into the monochrome space of what appears to be a black box theatre.  The audience members arrive directly onto a stage.  There is already a full house. There is standing room only although there may also be a little room for understanding.

In fact, it is the room for understanding.  It is here that the audience learns more about the foyer and about fear and fire and fascination and familiarity.  There is much to learn about illusory magic and enlightened magic in the room for understanding.  Enlightenment is not an illusion.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.

The suspension of disbelief is necessary for the appreciation of any artistic experiences.  But how much empathy and trust should be conveyed in the relationship between an artistic experience and the perceivers of that experience?

What is a play?  What is playful?  What is abusive?

When have you experienced a dangerous level of directed attention fatigue?

When have you experienced a dangerous level of tension?

When have you felt you have not had a full grip on your senses?

When have you felt you have not had a full grip of the choices available to you?

The darkness of the floor in the room for understanding is replaced by shining, glittering lights.  The lights appear to be star-like, like starlight, millions and billions of light years away, below the audience.  The floor is revealed to be a tension grip.

A tension fills the audience.  The curtains fall away.  The air warms uncomfortably.  A smell of eucalyptus fills the room.  But it is no longer a room.  The surroundings are upside down.  It is a mallee landscape but the audience members appear to have their feet in the air.  They are falling headfirst towards the ground.  And the ground is on fire.

What are the escape keys of most use to you in real life?  Do you read escapist fiction?  If so, do you prefer to enter an impossible world or a possible one? Whatever you prefer to read, would you prefer to enter a worse world or a better one in real life?

Sprezzatura audience members, even when they are not in an audience, tend to be independent readers and independent thinkers.  They prefer to read notes about an upcoming performance before it occurs, to enlighten themselves sufficiently but not excessively.  They also wish to know a sufficient amount about the venue itself.

How much do you know about inclusive access here?

How proficient is your reading comprehension in the English language?

What is the English language?

What is your comprehension of spoken English and/or sung English, and in which contexts, accents and genres?

Suddenly everything is dark and silent, except for a few mumbles and whispers amongst the audience.  Or is it the audience?  How can anyone be sure of anything or anyone in a theatre?

Which is the way to the auditorium?  Where is the green exit light?

The sound of a drum roll on a timpani can be heard in the distance.  A roller door appears rise slowly in the dim, bluish light on the horizon, as if it is the morning sun.  There is the sound of Australian magpies.  Yet all around seems like a still and peaceful desert, just before dawn.

Are there any scientists in the audience?  Is there, indeed, an audience?

Moving closer towards the bluish light, the horizon appears brighter and brighter until the scene opens on a screen.  It is a folding screen.  Is the auditorium on the other side?

The evidence suggests the destination is actually a useful location of the Twaklinesque variety.  What is your understanding of the Twaklinesque?

There are many different ways to answer that question, none of which are likely to be absolutely correct.  The Twaklinesque never diverts people from their problems and it certainly does not divert anyone from other people's problems.  The purpose of the Twaklinesque is to lift confusion from the imagination.  It does so by clearly distinguishing between the importantly possible and the less importantly impossible.

Do you know when the next main performance meant to start?

Performers and technical staff usually enter the ethereal theatre through the stage door, of course.  They have an impeccable sense of timing.  But do you?

And where, exactly, is this auditorium?

The digital world is often filled with confusion.  It is difficult to know where and why anything within it exists exactly.  Is the digital world flat or round?  Is it a polyhedron or a slimy blob?  Is it a hollow, glass tube or a metallic spiral?  Is it just one or two numbers repeated in mysterious sequences?

Ensuring you have sufficiently enlightened answers to such questions is especially important if you are considering participating in the auditions here quite soon.

If you want more exclusive access to the auditorium and the events taking place here, why is that?  Are you efficiently and sufficiently able to pay for that privilege?  Have you the desire to purchase a luxury box?  Are you seeking a seat on the debenture bench for patrons only?

Substantial fines are levied upon anyone entering Mozart's dressing room without permission.  The same applies regarding Nannerl's Suite.

There is a lovely piano-forte shaped foyer within the suite.  From there, it is possible to enter the auditorium directly through a trapdoor disguised as a glass ceiling.

There are also many secret passageways associated with Villa Twaklinilkawt.  They are primarily for undercover operatives and experts in enlightened magic.

The auditorium itself is designed to change shape, colour and style in an instant.  This is mainly for expositionary purposes.  The atmosphere of the auditorium frequently also changes with the music performed and narratives presented.