What have been your prior experiences of auditions and how well prepared are you for this one?

During the initial, entirely digital assessment, how will you prove you have understood the supplied guidance?

An introduction to the auditioning procedures

The highly experienced, highly competent critics on the judging panel will all expect you to perform at your best, not only online but also in life in the physical world, at all times.

What do you expect of yourself?

Are you your own best or worst critic?

You will be expected to have read and understood:

a) All the preliminary guidance on expectations

b) All the preliminary guidance on environments

c) All the preliminary guidance on audiences

d) All the preliminary guidance on ethics and aesthetics

e) All the preliminary guidance on the questions likely to be asked of you during the auditioning process

f) All the preliminary guidance on career options

g) All the preliminary guidance on later auditions

h) All the preliminary guidance on public relations and media relations

A. Preliminary guidance on expectations

As the panel of critics will probably remind you, it can be very frustrating indeed for audiences when performers do not meet expectations.

This is particularly the case when the performers have promised to meet particular requirements, even in writing.

Are you familiar with contract law at all?

Please do not edit recordings of your performances if they are to be used for auditioning purposes.

Never distort your talents or lack of them.

If you try to mislead the talent spotters, you will quickly be found out and will therefore be banished from all future auditions.

Deception is common in the arts, particularly the political arts.  That does not indicate its acceptability.

If you require the assistance of an ensemble to highlight your talents sufficiently, or to ensure you blend in appropriately with the equally worthy talents within a group, you are encouraged to audition as an ensemble and not as an individual.

Harmonious teamwork is always required in any Twaklinesque setting.

Untalented members of ensembles cause many problems in the world and should therefore be excluded from all future auditions, rehearsals and performances.

Additionally, do make sure that all the material you use as a performer is either in the public domain or you fully own the copyrights of all the intellectual property you use, or you have gained all the necessary permissions.

For auditioning purposes, do not upload any of the aforementioned audio-visual performances to YouTube unless you are perfectly willing to allow anyone, anywhere to embed the auditioning examples in their own digital theatres, within reason.

Additional permissions will not be sought by the talent spotters associated with the Ethereal Theatre of the Twaklinesque.  Their rights and entitlements will have been implied by your YouTube privacy settings.

In later auditions, whether you intend to perform as a singer, an instrumentalist, an acting professional, a director, a ticket collector, a scenery painter, a dancer, a politician, a costumier, a tour manager, a talent manager, a press agent, booking agent, an opera composer, a playwright, a song writer, a librettist, a novelist, a critic, a brand ambassador, a catering assistant, an ordinary audience member, or in another important capacity, you will be expected to perform without a microphone, and very well indeed, in front of a live, indoor audience of up to three thousand well informed, well dressed, well paying, relatively well people.

What is your usual acquaintance with audiences?

B. Preliminary guidance on environments

You may occasionally be expected to perform with a microphone in front of audiences with a wide range of tastes, beliefs, opinions, skills, talents and attitudes.

On at least one such occasion, you and/or your talents will be expected to perform in front of a live audience of up to three hundred thousand people, outdoors in unpleasant weather.  Always remember to dress suitably on every occasion.

During any indoor or outdoor performance, for any size of live audience, please be prepared to perform simultaneously in a live broadcast to a televisual audience of up to two billion people.  Also expect the occasion to be viewed multiple times from various angles in the digital sphere.

During the subsequent, global touring schedule, the entire, multi-talented entourage will be expected to participate in a wide range of promotional activities in a wide range of expected and unexpected circumstances.

C. Preliminary guidance on audiences

Both the inclusive and the exclusive have their merits and their drawbacks.  You will be expected to recount your prior experiences of inclusive situations and exclusive situations during the auditions.

Many open auditions have occurred here, inclusively, within reason.  The Twaklinesque always begins inclusively, for reasons of fairness.

Yet no self-respecting, highly competent critic would choose to waste time by enduring the spectacle of untalented, unaware, rather embarrassing performers making fools of themselves.  Nor would such critics seek to be bored or bullied.

Audiences have their own expectations, though sometimes various audience members have conflicting expectations.  This tends to occur mainly during inclusive occasions.

Yet even digital inclusion has its limits.

D. Preliminary guidance on ethics and aesthetics

All that is necessary is to read quietly and carefully, take in the information reflectively, and ask questions of the right person in the right manner at the right moment.

If you are unable to act in that manner, you are likely to be excluded during the early rounds of the auditions.

You will be expected to speak, sing, write and think in the English language at a relatively high international and intergenerational standard of courtesy and comprehension, even when using idiomatic phrases. 

E. Preliminary guidance on the questions likely to be asked of you during the auditioning process

As all audience members here are themselves considered to be performers, everyone is participating in an audition of one sort or another here at any particular time.

There are first-impressions auditions and lasting-impressions auditions.  There are particular situation auditions and many auditions relating to potential, future artistic collaborations.

You will be expected to know which sort of audition you are attending.

F. Preliminary guidance on career options

The ability to inform, entertain and enlighten the public in one or more languages, including English, will be an advantage in any career, even when performing mainly as an instrumentalist, conductor, dancer or costume designer.

Early auditions will usually take place online, with or without your knowledge.

In the interests of fairness, you will have the opportunity to compare your ethereal auditioning experiences with those of other performers.

The critics working within Villa Twaklinilkawt do their best to improve everyone's career possibilities and quality of life.

G. Preliminary guidance on later auditions

Anyone completing the preliminary auditions, and following the relevant, preliminary guidance, may have the opportunity to advance through the auditioning process to its Adelaidean phase.

Will you be able to pay your own way?

h. Preliminary guidance on public relations and media relations

When associated with any Twaklinesque project, you will be expected to be accomplished in public relations and media relations.

Only tasteful publicity will be expected of you.

Please ensure you know how to maintain suitable boundaries between your public image and your private life.

Never talk about the private life of anyone, except for suitably artistic or educational purposes.

Never intrude upon anyone's private life or seek inappropriate relationships with anyone.

Never use coarse language.

Always avoid unbecoming habits.

Allow your talents to speak for themselves.

Unless you have the ability to resolve problems peacefully, always avoid controversy.

Never use marketing jargon.

Always present yourself in public with an elegant, timeless quality, except when expected to perform comedy.

Always maintain a clear distinction between yourself as a performer, yourself as a person and the characters you have played and may be expected to play.

Do not behave like Mozart, unless you can match him as a composer.